hmm. watched the Prince oF Egypt. and now, i shall foolishly start another religiosu debate.

why. for the umpteenth time, would God choose to send a plague on the Egyptians? killing their children too at that. (which coincidentally, was wad the Pharoah did; killing all the children.)

would God do this; stooping to the level of Man?

and why would he kill the egyptians ; they;re his creations.

oh well.

Quotable quote of the day. From the pro-Rafflesian papers known as The Straits Times:

“Even teh vice-president of another school spin-off group, Mr Chua See Ka of the Hwa Chong Alumni Association, has a view,

At Hwa Chong, we will definitely not object to a female president. That said, there’s never been one, and we do have very few female board members. nowadays, Singapore girls are very lihai; very capable. Ms Lee looks very capable. Plus, she is very cute and lovely.”

Good grief. i wished i had gone to rjc.

whoah. CAP writing is tedious.

personally, i’m amzed how accurate colorgenics is.

here goes.

“At this time you are really feeling quite exhausted by all the conflict and quarrelling that is going on about you and you are looking for some sort of protection from this state of affairs. Ideally you are seeking a peaceful condition and a tranquil environment in which you can be afforded the chance to relax and recover.

You haven’t been feeling that great lately. Both physically and mentally you are exhausted. To your best friends, those who know you and love you, it shows. Your self esteem has been reduced almost to a minimum and in order to recover – and recover you will – it is necessary that you get away from it all, even if it be only for a few days.

You honestly believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, but there seems to be no one around to give you the necessary reassurance and encouragement. You are egocentric. You believe that you are always ‘right’ – well maybe you are but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offence for the slightest reason.

All the distress and agitation is the result of attempting to avoid any form of stimulation or excitement. The situation in which you find yourself at this time is one of hostility and therefore you are under considerable pressure. You are very irritable and prone to angry outbursts. You are in a mental quandary and you could be experiencing physical problems.You are very distressed by the apparent hostility of everyone around you and you feel coerced and subjected to intolerable pressures. You are resentful of what you regard as unreasonable demands on you but the situation is such that you feel powerless to control it and at this time you just don’t know ‘which way to turn’.

You feel worn out – you have no energy and your depleted vitality has created intolerance for any further stimulation. You feel inadequate and this subjects you to agitation, irritation and acute distress from which you try to escape by refusing further direct participation. You have become very wary and cautious but you have an inner strength. You have that determination to get your own way and succeed in the end.”

Unitarian Universalism A liberal and diverse religious organization comprised of mostly atheists (or non-theists), agnostics, Humanists, liberal Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus, Neopagans, etc.

Belief in Deity: Very diverse beliefs – Unitarian Universalists welcome all deity beliefs as well as nontheistic beliefs. Some congregations are formed for those who share a common belief, e.g. Christianity.

Incarnations: Very diverse beliefs, including belief in no incarnations, or that all are the embodiment of God. Some believe Christ is God’s Son, or not Son but “Wayshower.”

Origins of universe/life: Diverse beliefs, but most believe in the Bible as symbolic and that natural processes account for origins.

After death: Diverse beliefs, but most believe that heaven and hell are not places, but are symbolic. Some believe heaven and hell are states of consciousness either in life or continuing after death; some believe in reincarnation; some believe that afterlife is nonexistent or not known or not important, as actions in life are all that matter.

Why evil? Diverse beliefs. Some believe wrong is committed when people distance themselves from God. Some believe in “karma,” that what goes around comes around. Some believe wrongdoing is a matter of human nature, psychology, sociology, etc.

Salvation: Some believe in salvation through faith in God and Jesus Christ, along with doing good works and doing no harm to others. Many believe all will be saved, as God is good and forgiving. Some believe in reincarnation and the necessity to eliminate personal greed or to learn all of life’s lessons before achieving enlightenment or salvation. For some, the concepts of salvation or enlightenment are irrelevant or disbelieved.

Undeserved suffering: Diverse beliefs. It would be a rare Unitarian Universalists that believes that a literal Satan causes suffering. Some believe suffering is part of God’s plan, will, or design even if we don’t immediately understand it. Some don’t believe in any spiritual reasons for suffering, and most take a humanistic approach to helping those in need.

Contemporary Issues: The Unitarian Universalist Association’s stance is to protect the personal right to choose abortion. Other contemporary views include working for equality for homosexuals, gender equality, a secular approach to divorce and remarriage, working to end poverty, promoting peace and non-violence, and environmental protection.

and continuing with this introspective mood of mine, i realised:

1. CAP portfolis due this Friday. damnation. i so want to go for it. was screwed in sec 2, screwed further by dear suzanne in sec 3. th ebiggest, unfulfiled wish in my life. and i didnt have the foggiest idea of WHEN the deadline was. until today.bleargh.

2. wow. so MANNNNYYYYY ex-classmates are comign to hcjc. granted. i’m proud of 2001 4e. but not the people there. if u can even call them that. hell, i came here cos’ i tot they were going to rjc!

3. got my sch uniform today. after 12 years of shorts, i get to don a pair of trousers today. good grief.

and david. i swear. i will not fall. i want to stay the way i am. unsullied, idealistic and hopeful.

i hope.

i pray.

God, let Time leave me untouched.

and no, that was not in reference to my height.

just realised another thing.

just exaclty how wierd is my style?

it’s.

short. direct. blatant. in ur-goddamned-face.

others write on in fluid, coherent, ephermal sentences.

damnation.

just realised one thing.

i’m no longer disillusioned with life.

just jaded with it.

it just.

holds no purpose for me now.

i’m just trudging down this road.

by myself.

trusting no one.

holding no one close to me.

friends are just passerbys

enemies. the heinous stench of bastards.

that will diffuse into air.

die all of you.

perish.

with the rest;

never to return.

i feel so hopelessly useless.

so GODDAMMED FUCKING EFFING DAMNING USELESSSSSS

YOU HEAR ME???!!!

I SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and there;s no changing it.

i can blow my chances of running for school goodbye.

as. i. extinguish. that,

flickerinh/wavering/darting

candle of hope.

now.

and be a realist.

and not yield to my passions.

and simply to be.

a normal, uninspring Singaporean.

of which people would be proud of.

“He;s so obedient. No problems for me ever.”

yes. no problems.ever. if i could just blow my life out, in a final, inexorable, enthusiastic breath.

oh no. forgot about hcjc too.

not really lah. just didnt feel it was appropiate to dump e 2 together.

hcjc. calvin, peng fei, dun quan and joel. u guys did damned well too. so did meida, jiesi, and…

hell. it would take me damned long to say everyone.

sigh. it sucks.so.so.really sucks. that i can;t even do my part for the school.

or the team.

it isn’t my fault tt i joiend track 4 yrs later than i should; it just isn;t fucking fair.

last year. i was by the sidelines, watchign teh B div fighting all e way to the Championship.

i could only look. and cheer.

i can;t even run for the school. i’m so.so.so. effing inept.

i’m a lousy 12 sec sprinter. and i probably deproved too.

what can i say?

i want to run; ut i can;t. i want to run, but i’ll pull the team down along with me.

fuck man. fuck.

i’m so.so.so.proud. of u peeps.

u swept all e golds. almost.

don’t worry lah wee teck/jianxuan/fengyi/jooxiang. u peeps did ur best. u rock dudes.

oh no. did i just use that word?

wee teck, no point berating urself for what happened. u did ur best. now just whack their asses in the nationals. kay?

: )

the 2 thigns i’m pround to say abt tchs. 4e 2001. and track and field.

u guys will always dominate the country. always.