and i suppose what’s past past and i shall attempt to shift everything to the back of my mind and enjoy my stint in china.

this blog won’t be missed.

and the fucking thing is so surreal. i never expected it to happen to me but it has.

and to rub salt to the wound, they moderated people who missed by 2 marks upwards; those with 3 or more weren’t considered.

whee

and it would come to this wouldn’t it.

the prin (preen) cipal made me drop maths.

the goddamned fucking irony.

hahaha

and in a few hours time i shall go to that revered education institution to get my appeal results and i believe that i wouldn’t be successful and things have finally come to a turn in the 17th year of my life.

I’ve been watching your world from afar,

I’ve been trying to be where you are,

And I’ve been secretly falling apart,

I’ll see.

To me, you’re strange and you’re beautiful,

You’d be so perfect with me but you just can’t see,

You turn every head but you don’t see me.

I’ll put a spell on you,

You’ll fall asleep and I’ll put a spell on you.

And when I wake you,

I’ll be the first thing you see

And you’ll realise that you love me.

Yeah…

Yeah…

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,

Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,

And I know, the waiting is all you can do,

Sometimes…

I’ll put a spell on you,

You’ll fall asleep,

I’ll put a spell on you,

And when I wake you,

I’ll be the first thing you see,

And you’ll realise that you love me.

I’ll put a spell on you,

You’ll fall asleep ‘cos I’ll put a spell on you,

And when I wake you,

I’ll be the first thing you see,

And you’ll realise that you love me, yeah…

yeah…

yeah…

yeah…

yeah…

Strange and Beautiful – Aqualung

whee. the song i like.

i think lavigne has a very pretty name and nice grey-blue eyes.

how would you commit suicide?

finally. able to post.

i’ve got myself the Death journal, and it;s really really pretty.

and putting pen to paper, IS better than nails to keyboard. doesn’t really bode well for this blog does it.

not that it would be missed.

and screw my home computer; i’ve not been able to post at all.

what’s the problem, they say.

the damned post and publish button just doesn’t seem to exist apparently.

so here i am, blogging (ranting and raving) away in the apparent security and silence of the library where the clickclickclick sounds of the keyboard just seems to echo throughout the place with like hundreds of j2s muggers around me.

jiaqi was right, you don’t trust anyone but yourself.

and it’s so fucking irritating; whether i would be coerced (as they say) to drop mathematics for the upcoming a levels. undeniably, it is my fault; but the inherent irony is that i never ever had a problem with mathematics.

the surrealness of it all.

and i don’t want to drop it; all the effort, the work that i’ve put in for the past ten years would be swept down the drain and that i basically would not be able to take my sole s paper (i want to do literature, despite its staggering difficulty) and i can more or less forget about anyANY available scholarship.

and basically, all i can say is that i’ve screwed myself up pretty badly.