and these days have been of tumultous emotional ups and downs and really, all i want to do now is to silently scream to myself in a release of anguish that coarses through me now.

(now because later something beautiful would happen and i would be happy again. and then, and then.)

stop being so silly you foolish boy.

what the fuck.

(whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck)

(and i shall make this into a song, a la t.a.t.u, resplondent with amazing techno riff raffs.)

cost of baked rice and drink and pizza at nydc = $28

cost of 122341451231256346 litres of tabasco sauce on pizza = priceless

—————————–

2 days after the 24th July: the green lantern. funky waiters. get a life. tabasco sauce. water. cups of water. oreo cheesecakes. pool. pool up where the sun dont shine. gayness personified.

(oh, and doughnuts.)

nothing can describe the fun i’ve had today, and really i am a damn fortunate chap to have friends the way i do. it almost pays off for the recklessness and hell i have gone through the past few years.

thank you eugene, matty boy, matty girl, sir hong, neek, risse, mrs cab (ahahahaaaahahah!) and everyone else who remembered my birthday. :)

wah lau my handphone bill the past month was 180!!!! salkdjaklfkjsdagkldsklfjklasghjkhsdfjkhsjkldfhjkhklsdfhklasdfhj 2800 smses sent quite brilliant pak nods. gaygaygaygaygaygay.

its 12.02am now and i am 18 years old.

6570 days of lonliness, 157680 hours of pain and and hurt and solitude. all numbers and figures lacking a soul. my soul.

you’re 18 pak. happy birthday pak.

because it shall be my birthday in an hour’s time, let me put up a wishlist just for the sake of it.

1. a. but since you’ll never get it, it’ll just be a wish

2. aimee mann’s lost in space

3. yeah yeah yeahs’ fever to tell

4. magaret atwood’s oryx and crake. or any other atwood books.

5. a bag dammit.

6. new discman headphones.

7. league of extraordinary gentlemen comics.

8. good results.

9. a

10. a

(i’m just that sad.)

(let it go pak, let it go.)

and did i ever tell you that i was the glass that wouldn’t break, because i am simply too stubborn to give in to anyone else, anything else. because not everything falters, and you have to believe in that.

(eggshells break, but that’s just humpty dumpty.)

Say you were split, you were split in fragments

And none of the pieces would talk to you

Wouldn’t you want to be who you had been

Well baby I want that too

So better take the keys and drive forever

Staying won’t put these futures back together

All the perfect drugs and superheros

Wouldn’t be enough to bring me up to zero

Baby, I bet you’ve been more than patience

Saying it’s not a catastrophe

But I’m not the girl you once put your faith in

Just someone who looks like me

So better take the keys and drive forever

Staying won’t put these futures back together

All the perfect drugs and superheros

Wouldn’t be enough to bring me up to zero

So get out while you can

Get out while you can

Baby I’m pouring quick sand

And sinking is all I have planned

So better just go

Oh, better take the keys and drive forever

Staying won’t put these futures back together

All the perfect drugs and superheros

Wouldn’t be enough to bring me up to zero

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men

Couldn’t put baby together again

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men

Couldn’t put baby together again

Humpty Dumpty – Aimee Mann

i quite vividly recall having posted an entry on my emotional state up but i suppose blogger tm. has eaten it up.

so in one line: dlksjfklasjlkfjlkdjsklfjslfkjdlskjgkldsjfkljaklsg