“And tomorrow, we tear it all down.“

familiar words a year and a day ago, albeit in a different structure; i wonder how these days differ from magnolia times then.

———–

sometimes i believe i’m immortal, that even though i get into so much trouble i did get out of it unsinged. but i am inherently mortal, and for all spontaneity and logic ultimately there is a time where they can take you that far. so how human am i?

———–

for 2 weeks a cockroach has camped at a corner of the toilet whenever i bathe at 1 a.m. in the morning. i’m almost tempted to say “hello archy.”

————

can friends become lovers? only if they last that long.

production eventually was fun, maybe in part due to the fact that it ended on a high. saturday’s performance was by far the best, with the energy finally coming true; the comic timing was down pat and kudos to the leads for responding adequately and hence turning a disadvantgeous situation into one that elevated the script; melissa’s impromptu cleaning of dr pepper, and huixuan getting the former’s earring down. it was on the whole, fun and brilliant. my first post production supper too, and i conclude that the worst thing that can be added to melted ice cream has got to be heinz chilli sauce. urgh.

rejected by nus arts and social sciences. heh i’m almost absolutely speechless.

maybe later when i feel a little better and less shocked i’ll write about drama production. but not quite now.

I’m told the case is now closed

So I can come to my senses

Pull in the question is posed

I’ll have this meager defense

I was hoping that you’d know better than that I was hoping

But you’re an amateur

I was hoping that you’d know better

But I’ve been wrong before

Despite conclusions I drew

There was a chance you’d surprise me

And you’d be better than you

Cause I’d have left otherwise

I was hoping that you’d know better than that I was hoping

But you’re an amateur

I was hoping that you’d know better

But I’ve been wrong before

So I wasn’t thinking clearly

So you didn’t think at all I thought that was protocol

I was hoping that you’d know better than that I was hoping

But you’re an amateur I was hoping that you’d know better

But I’ve been wrong before

I was hoping that I was hoping

But you’re an amateur

I was hoping that you’d know better

But I’ve been wrong before

Amateur – Aimee Mann

“It’s true. There’s this certain period of your life in which you can be forgiven for things like shouting your head off in a public place, gossiping loudly on a bus, and wearing an oversized teeshirt with obscenely short running shorts. And that’s in junior college. After that, there’s no such luxury anymore. People seem to pardon such public idiocy on the account that at that age, as a member of that uniformed torture system that is public education, being an annoying little brat is expected of you.“

- Adrianna Tan

and sometimes you wonder why i cling onto the past too much; it isn’t as much as missing a year back as much as what you can do when you’re 17/18; i miss wearing my baggy brown sack of a uniform because a uniform is uniform and that you don’t have to think too much about what to wear when you go out, and baggy is comfy; you get to train till 9pm at night and you had the luxury of eating anything and everything you want, very much preferable to eating way less and doing pushups and situps at home in a vague counterfeit attempt to remain in shape; you get to go out with friends whenever you wanted to, and talk and gossip and be happy.

lastly, you get to study literature.

these days part of you die everyday; how much will be left?

Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis.

“You do not know the power of the Dark
Side.” There are two possibilities: you
are a Star Wars geek, or you are unreasoningly
scary.

Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Poe is Haunted Love.

thursday, and weary beyond words. these days time seem to fly like butterflies when doing backstage; it wasn’t like this 2 years ago when a week seemed like a fortnight, nor like last year when it seemed actually like a week; now it seems so much shorter and less fulfilling. maybe it is the familiarity of it, but teaching others how to build flats stops it from becoming entirely menial. now it is 3.30 a.m. with monaco and porto dancing on the screen going back and forth with neither relenting and finally, i am tired.

today i talked to dennis for the first time in my life and oddly realised how much of a social whore i was, selling myself to the whims of others because these days i’m too placid to really initiate anything of my own, for fear of rejection, unwantedness. it is a trepidation unlike anything before and yet it is perfectly justified.

these days, nothing remains the same.

taken from isolde.

“Downhere: I can’t love because I’m tired mentally. I’d rather fuck mindlessly like rabbits. Love, no matter how you try to describe it, is just mindfucking. Girls who cling in love have minds that follow their apparatus. Most guys just plunge into relationships, climax, get soft and back out.“

not the sex part, but more on love being a mindfuck. and sometimes you wonder why i’m an emotional fuckwit.

“haha.. funny how kids always have memories of swimming lessons“

maybe, probably. the anchors to our souls back then; these days it did be the freedom model standing in front of my speakers where i’ll periodically reform him into many poses. magnolia sunshine days.