I adopted a cute lil’ emo fetus

from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

HAHAHAH DAMN CUTE!

hello and it is over. today i’ve seen stars fade and nascent ones that continue to shine but let us remember that in the dark night sky stars twinkle and shoom with an incessant hum that recouncile ourselves with our souls. today i’ve seen a nanyang girl win the b division 100m finals, the chinese high school boys (yes, tchs for one last time) fighting from nowhere to emerge the champions of the 4*400m relay, a combination of mettle and strength and desire, and jonah librarian tang running with resolve to save his team not once, not twice but thrice in the 100m, 4*100m and the 4*400m relays and to this giant of the track and field, i salute you for your determination and your talent; you stopped your school from sliding too far behind vjc in the events that mattered and your championship was wholly deserved.

and to some, closure. tomorrow shall be the last day of the track and field finals with the guys in fourth and the girls second and maybe the luck we should have had last year would be carried over to this year and the girls will win their title at last. but please do not let them draw on points and lose on medal count; that is by far too cruel too painful and too heartless.

we will sing the man jiang hong with pride, or rather they will because this year it is their team and no longer mine and i don’t have the right to cry for them because i didn’t fight the nine days together with them. silver isn’t enough but boon hui tells me that teamwork is the best gold anyone can ever get and i agree with him because his year is truly united.

one year later and so much have changed. we remain title-less but this time they are champions in our own right and to the Hwa Chong Track and Field team 2004, i am happy for you.

to emilyn, thank you in more words than i can convey.

today i walk around with a limp, an ache in my knee, a soreness in my back and maybe its time i realise my mortality. today i realise too that throughout my life i’ve been more of a substitute than anything else, a ear at best but not a friend and frankly who would remember after i pass on? maybe its time you truly focused on yourself for once.

church mouse! somehow today that made me smile because it is a word i haven’t seen in ages, like eleemosynary, back in times when i used icq on a weekly basis. miss —- is a church mouse! how quaint and cute.

today i met a friend of mine i haven’t seen in months when balling and in the final shot of the game i faked before jumping and leaned back before releasing a shot that arced gently into the hoop and hit nothing but net and ended the game 11 – 4. one of the best shots of my life, effect and execution and i am happy.

“Allen Iverson was the 2001 NBA MVP. He is the three-time NBA scoring champion. And I don’t care what he says about wanting to win and these invididual awards and titles meaning nothing — they do mean something. Nobody’s done more with less physically in the history of the league. Iverson is the best 6-foot player ever. Period. End of story. He too has the imprimatur of Jordan. Jordan once said it to me and Dog, without saying, after Alley I. famously crossed him up as Air tried to guard him — Air Jordan, trying to guard somebody? Boggles the mind. Air could guard anybody.

Except Allen Iverson.

“You can’t expect me to guard a 6-foot man, at 6-6,” Jordan sniffed. “

hear hear.

hello, a year older but not wiser but certainly less precocious and incandescent if i ever were, i have finally come of age of the one and the inverted 6. 16, 19, 19, 91, i feel the last two numbers but not the first two and i think i have become grotesquely adult.

but today was a lovely day, it rained like christmas and i realised i grew by 1 cm and lost 1.5 kg over the week; maybe today was an anomaly for the machines but i suppose i should be contented for now.

to all those that msged, thank you all, especially you who was the first at 12.01am on my time; it made a wretched day seem so much better. and you, and you, and you and to ns mates in school of ammo, i swept in like a tornado and left with a whisper. and let me declare that alvin lim formerly of Hwa Chong Junior College 02s69 is a sweetie at heart! bing and waikit, spread the news like wildfire!

—————

but at the end of the day, he didnt message, and maybe after months of refusal and gatsby’s current, that’s certain closure.

and now all i want is rain and showers and thunderstorms and galing winds where i can just huddle up in my couch and watch love actually all over again because it is there where i think kiera knightley looked her absolute stunning gorgeous best.

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i remembered when i was young i did swap my birthday cake for a birthday pizza because my parents were unrelenting about the latter and i did be so pissed that i made the first bargain in my life and since then pizza buffets were the norm till they ended four years ago. now, 1460 days later, i’m going to continue where i left off and maybe i can turn back time after all.

and then, through thickly plastered paste of apathy something deep within me finally awakened and all i want to do is to hug myself in a corner and cry, and cry, and cry. i haven’t been feeling enough these days so release, release.

i did like to tell myself if only i could turn back time i wouldn’t have lost so many things, but time is not of my domain nor is it to be turned anti clockwise. tock tick tock tick tock tick tock.

i fucking hate being with people the whole time, especially with people i can’t communicate with. hooray for being the only arts student in the whole damned camp again, hooray for being with tetosterone charged alpha males, hooray for being with alpha males whose only entertainment is to swat flies, and really that’s the best part; it gets worse. you have people boasting of their sexual prowess, and being chased around by girls despite them looking like ahem and yay my english has positively rhusted fhrom the leck of use to the extent that it’s cracking and fracturing upon itself whee.

one year and eight months, how do i survive this. you did save money from smses in a month’s time, but god there goes the last of your language. what do you know, in a year’s time this blog would have degenerated.to.its.initial.self.

oh, and since this is an angsty post, let’s just continue man. both my ankles are gone, the right one sprained and hoozah, the right knee is creaky. i can t put weight on it as i bend and boon hui tells me i need to see a sinseh. like arghhhh. and the right middle finger is STILL sprained after two months and it’s no wonder that these days i can’t shoot my jumper for nuts. sdfgjkldhfkjhsdakjfhksjdhfl _|_

mumbles. rantrantrant.

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a few days time and i don’t think anyone really cares. and this isn’t a blatant cry for attention as much as resignation that i may not be as important to others as they are to me and there is really nothing i can do. i am a creature of love but there is none ceded to me; why did i foolishly give so much of myself in the first place.

(because i have been too wilful.)