wah lau balls to blackburn man; last year in a corresponding fixture carragher and baros were out for like 123214123 matches and NOW cisse’s leg is broken, good grief ewood park is simply amazing man grr.

anyway, i haven’t said this in a year, but hell, i’m history for history bah.

and these days i’m tired, weary and warried as a battlefield and i don’t even know why. days fly by and suddenly fourteen days become nine; hubris beckons once again and i’m paralysed with fear; questions and answers but will i ever get them.

these days everything becomes increasingly fractured and i wonder how much longer my psyche can hold up.

“wait for your a’s to finish and we’ll go queensway and get the tmac4 together; then i’ll show you my supremacy on da courts.

thank you yok thim, it’s been so long since a comrade last spoke.

it is 12.30 and it is raining now.

melancholy mornings.

hello old friend, it’s your birthday today and it has been so long since we last spoke. a year ago you were involved in a love triangle of sorts as i tried laughingly to extricate you from it (it was my doing afterall) and i slept at 2 a.m. it was a tuesday i remembered, and we stuffed ourselves with sushi and a rather expensive chocolate cake.

a year on, and how are you now.

I wonder where you are, I never know your name, we always meet but you never let me in. You’re crazy in the sun, you’re laughter in the rain. You close me tightly, it tears my mind, and makes me go. Round and round, in the brain, sometimes i think i’m going insane: “Feed the cats and pull me by the hair.” what is this? who are you? why you smiling when you’re blue? is this something that i gotta be? where you going babe? i see you like the train. i never see you in the house, but you’re always in the rain. play with me my friend, i’m all alone tonight. don’t you make me go to bed and make me start. another dream, another night, lets run away and start a fight. come with me and take me by the hand. what is this? who are you? why you smiling when you’re blue? is this something that i gotta be? feed the cats pull me down, what is this and where you from? round and round in the brain, sometimes i think i;m going insane. another dream another night, lets run away and start a fight. come and with me and take me by the hand.

Feed the Cats – Electrico

god i can’t believe i’m studying for my a’s the 2nd time in 2 years. sheesh.

“tapped on the pane, and asked in french if she’d save my life by falling in love with me. shook her head but got an amused smile. (david mitchell)”

from risse’s blog, and hahaha, i should say this on my 39th birthday.

“Between January 1978 and January 1981 Liverpool went a record 63 home games without defeat.”

we all know about arsenal’s record, but come on man, this is a bloody scary statistic.

these days sleets of rain fall like words onto a barren soul and i wrap my melancholy around me like a blanket. haha melancholy, what a lovely word it is the way the way it rolls around your tongue. and i wonder if there’s a dog with that name. “come over merlang!”

thirty years from now and i hope to be like him, not just because he continues to write at the age of 51, but for his sorrow and strength and love because only sorrow and strength and love together can produces the singlemost unifying force in the universe. and amidst everything, he has hope because hope is the only thing that keeps us going despite murphy’s law coming out ever so often; we continue moving forward because we dream. and maybe 3 decades from now, i will becone the good father i never have had.

“Oh the days the days I’m swimming in them as they come and then go, parting is such sweet sorrow! So Christmas is near and love is actually all around and always at this time of the year there is a queer scent in the air and in the streets and trees and a funny tingle in people, between people, there is a strange profound joy and sadness that rise from the ground as it rains and the grass sing. I shall never be cured of my “reedeeculous obsession with love” (Moulin Rouge) I should think! Crystal says we have the right to be preocuppied with these fantasies while we are young but I think we ought to be preoccupied with love all our lives.

Today I was captivated and completely fascinated with a waitress at the restaurant where we had lunch. She looked dreamy and sad, and very far away yet she did her job so efficiently and smiled a little as she served our table, and said “thank you”. She didn’t walk, she floated about with her shoulders slouched but not in an unsightly way, it was in with a fierce kind of resigned sorrow (contradiction but yes). And I felt so detached from myself, it was as if I had become her and this was a scene from a film, and if it were, she would be the main character, the leading actress. I could imagine an entire life for this lady with the sad eyes and small smile, this small lady who floated about with her tray from table to table trying as best as possible not to affect others too much with her presence or disturb table conversations. I think I could fall in love with her, and the way she doesn’t speak to any of her colleagues as these other waitress gossiped at the entrance. She probably writes chinese novels, and lives alone or with a very old parents. She probably takes the public transport and never sits even if there were empty spaces. And she has watched 2046. And her favourite colour is navy green, and she likes to eat bread. “

these days i am too tired to write (and probably not as skilled either) and she has said it all. ms teo, you were right, she writes oh so incandescently.