today i took a trip back in time.

bandage, stargazin down jalan rama rama (finally got the name) and before the last band i saw calvin, kelvin, justin, alvin and yuling and we started talking about the past, about the tepidity of national servitude and how fast, oh how fast it has been since we were in j2. and maybe i look back into the past too often, but i miss having track thrice a week, of wearing comfy oversized brown sacks as a uniform, of listening (sometimes sleeping) in during literature lessons, and, and. i really would rather study than be under a regimented structure, but then again i look back too often into the past sometimes.

today was of familiar faces and history.

these days have been spent till four in the morning playing championship manager 4; good god liverpool’s almost impossible to manage. gerrard gets injured, then kirkland, then dudek, then arphexad, then carragher, then hamann… you get the idea. the season is almost over, and i am praying for someone to buy hamann because he is worth 18 million; i have spent 28 million in advance for kleberson, deco and ronaldinho so yes, it is imperative i get funds to do so!

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tomorrow is friday, and i shall run with the wind before spending the next four days in agony. but as a former classmate once said, pain is glory.

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two nights ago i messaged that i have finally fell in love with aimee mann again, and tonight i reaffirm my faith.

from someone sharlene told me about:

(Nothing could be worse than knowing that you could sacrifice everything and drop everything just to be there for a person you really care about and cry over if she needs you, to know that she cannot do the same for you too.)

today is monday, and i sprinted for the first time in almost a year and for the first time in a long while, i’ve felt joy, because when you sprint, youflyyoufocus and you feel thoroughly exhausted but somewhat accomplished; my left achilles tendon is acting up again, but really what is pain to joy?

i haven’t lay down on the chinese high track (yes, chinese high and not hwa chong institution because this is how i will ever know it) and looked up into the blue sky for a long time. blood sweat and tears, blood sweat and tears; i haven’t said this in almost a year and maybe it is time to change it.

it is now sunday, and tomorrow did be monday and i shall go back and train for the first time in a long while; it will then be tuesday, wednesday, thursday and then finally friday where i shall sprint for the second time in a week.

and then it would be saturday, and next sunday i will be able to play basketball.

(there will be time for books in between. like this.)

will there be no end to despair? liverpool just lost to southampton; yes southampton! almost at the cellar of the league table and i can almost cry in despair. mr burge i bet you are beaming! it has been a torrid season thus far, with 123421412341 injuries to key players, and the alonso – gerrard midfield axis never really flourished, even though they have tantalised the few moments they played together. then gerrard got injured, then alonso, then kirkland which meant dudek had to play which would also in a causal way lead to the bloody rooney (it rhymes) goal. then biscan got injured, just as when he seemed to be flourishing and, and.

wah lau.

and hyppia got injured. holy fucking shit.

and i am the silent voyeur who hides behind a facade of teeth and loud noise and nothing will ever coalesce.

at 12.58am after a phone call, i walk dazedly (if there exists such a word) to my couch and ran my knee across the edged corner of my computer table.

a liquid line of red slashes across a beach.

I love you like I love the sunrise in the morning

I miss you like I miss the water when I’m burning

I didn’t mean to hurt you dear

the words just came out wrong

Now I’m broken down and lonely

and I can’t get along

I love you like I love the sunrise in the morning

I miss you like I miss the water when I’m burning

I didn’t mean to hurt you dear

the words just came out wrong

Now I’m broken down and lonely

and I’m so cold at night

I love you like I love the sunrise in the morning

I miss you like I miss the water when I’m burning

I didn’t mean to hurt you, dear

the words just came out wrong

Now I’m broken down and lonely

and I can’t get along

I love you like I love the sunrise in the morning

I miss you like I miss the water when I’m burning

I didn’t mean to hurt you, dear

the words just came out wrong

Now I’m broken down and lonely

and I’m so cold at night

I love you like I love the sunrise in the morning

I miss you like I miss the water when I’m burning

I didn’t mean to hurt you dear

the words just came out wrong

Now I’m broken down and lonely

and I’m so cold at night.

I Didn’t Mean to Hurt You – Spiritualized

$9.95 for spiritualized! i owe chitra one.

today is the 18th january and i have served one year, 24 days of penace; i have one year three months and seven days left and the only thing i can tell myself is to persist and that it did be all over soon; yes it did be all over soon, soon.