after spending twenty three of the past twenty seven hours in bed, i’m bloody finally okay. it’s like the worst case of conjunctivitis EVER, and for a moment i thought i had an eye ulcer which had the exact same symptoms but which would entail that i had a probabilty of becoming blind. zzz.

at any rate, it’s a truly kjldsfklsdf thing to be struck down by a thingy that required three days mc over the weekend; i can’t ball at tchs, i can’t go for duty – yes you heard me correctly, duty because i hate activating anyone at the last minute to cover me arse, and also because today’s duty would have been really pleasant. i was so looking forward to using france and pwning people in winning 11; cisse, henry, pires giuly how you tong against the speedsters!

argh i am so getting fat; enough’s enough. time to save money for the game day lightning two.
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in the Hot Topic of the Day which i barely made out with my pink left eye (right eye was red) in the morning, i’m like wtf are you dumb or something. i mean, to be honest, i use the handicapped toilet now and then but if i see a handicapped person waiting outside i’ll be how embarrassed. Mister Peter was right, it IS their right, because why would it be built otherwise? and christ, you had to blow things up as usual and get your usual fare of publicity by posting on your blog without even thinking; some things doesn’t have to be said you know. i mean, honestly, which person after using the handicapped toilet would say, in her blog, viewed by thousands (and i don’t even know why anyone would bother, she’s like how smartttt.) i use the handicap toilets! like wth, use your brain please. if you use it, just shut up about it; maybe that’s some common sense for you. and that s a central tenet of life too, you can do 1001 illegal things but they won’t matter unless you’re caught. i don’t feel any sympathy for xiaxue losing her sponsors; part of me wonders HOW she got the sponsors in the first place. but oh wells that’s like asking why a thousand people would read her blog on a daily basis in the first place.

why would anyone read a blogger whose intentions are only to antagonise and be a fame whore -_-”

this is the month of october and even then barely so because it is ending and november beckons.

but this is a song of september, in a year of destiny.

Your holiness is gone
Sometimes love will make you swear
Until you know where you belong
You’ll dream of what you never had

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah …

You can feel the falling leaves
Filling up our vacant lives
When I fall onto my knees
I pray you don’t leave me behind

Summertime is over
I don’t owe you nothing
When you say you’re leaving
I want you to hold on
Summertime is over
I don’t owe you nothing

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah …

You see September’s sun
Sinking in the autumn sky
If you want me to be gone
I’ve left already in my mind

Summertime is over
I don’t owe you nothing
When you say you’re leaving
I want you to hold on
Summertime is over
I don’t owe you nothing

September Baby – Joseph Arthur

“She upset Billy simply by being his mother. She made him feel embarrassed and ungrateful and weak because she had gone to so much trouble to give him life, and to keep that life going, and Billy didn’t really like life at all.”

Slaughterhouse Five – Kurt Vonnegut, Jr

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wednesday evening was spent balling at a place where i had retaken my a’s a year before and in the company of two friends. may distances never seperate us, and that we can all grow old together and laugh at memories where should they even fade, we can laugh at one another then.
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joseph arthur sings revelations in the early morning, and a cloudy right eye obscure black words on a screen. nothing is clear these days.

how the fuck did everton draw with chelsea?!

it is five am in the morning and i am not sleeping; in two days time it will be october the 26th and i will have six month of servitude left; somewhere in a corner of my heart a voice sings and the remnants of a soul soar.

the past twenty two months has decrepified my entire being; i no longer write about magnolia days nor poetryprose and i cannot pick up the metaphysical form of a pen. i do not know where this atrophy started but it happened in the middle of the year and these days whenever i look at my blog i no longer see a song, but just alphabets, strings of words without a lilt.

so many writers out there developing their art; an invalid with a penchant for dota sits inside.

i wish i could feel again, i wish i could love, i wish i could feel despair when a friend ceases to be one, i wish i could be in utter depression because at least then i could be in it and having a choice is always better than not being able to have one at all.

i wish i can feel something other than ennui and hate.

today the physiotherapist said to a semi-awake corporal “well, you must remember not to be lazy and DO YOUR STRETCHES after your exercises! how bad is the pain?”

i fumbled “oh, i would be uh, pro-, prodding (prodding?! plod la!) and kind of walk with a gait after basketball.”

“yeah, see, so you have to do your stretches! well, i’m afraid i can’t really do much for you because your tendinitis is just chronic, and if you want to stop feeling pain, well, just wait for army to be over and you can stop running.”

but i don’t want to stop running zzzz. i just want the heels to be better so i can START running.
——————

incidentally, i got discharged from the physiotherapist today after 15 months of weekly attendance. there goes 30 days of quasi off zzzz. and i’m still not cured!!!!

basins of ice cubes are going to be my best friend i foresee.
——————

today is the hwa chong open house and honestly, i couldn’t be bothered. i’m just too old man.

i want to drawl like renji and have a girlfriend like rukia. and have a zanpakuto like ichigo’s. and zaraki’s bod. now you know why i adore him. and his zanpakuto too, when he eventually reaches bankai.

why am i talking about bleach suddenly?
——————-

“oh well do ya, do ya do ya wanna/ i love your friends they’re all so arty, yeah.”

murdering the archduke of austria gave one of the bands of 2004 their name.

there has just been too much dota the past few days.

friday i slept at 6.30am and i woke up the next day at 6p.m; today i slept at 9am and woke up at 2.30pm; i can’t ball because it’s raining but honestly, there’s nothing i wouldn’t give to ball ya know. this marks two cosecutive weeks without balling and on the last sunday of the month i have the glorious honour of Guard Duty. trademarked. someone tell me how to do the tm thingy.
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monday i bought joseph arthur and franz ferdinand and absolute hush, which set me back by about 112 dollars but a boy’s gotta spend on his maintainence ya know, which means his plans for a total wardrobe makeover has to wait yet again. it’s okay i guess, he needs time to tone up his flab zzzz
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i suppose the reason why my posts these days sound so amazingly trite is because simply, i haven’t been reading enough to feel incandescent. there is too much meniality going on and as you grow older you get so grounded with the real world that you are simply floored with inertia and you don’t move off into another plane on another world to another person. it is sad but true; we stop dreaming because we are living and yet in this way we are dying through our own self destruction. oneiros, teleute, olethros.

it is 6 fucking symmetrical 56 am and i just got activated to be on guard duty; this after having the whole day planned out! basketball at three pm with the same sods that trashed us last week; a week has passed and it’s surely more than enough for us to turn the tables on them because a week should mark improvement; and a dota clan match at park lane where the lich i ve been training the past few days will not be used. zzz. and we were to use the tactic i co-formulated! where’s the pwing and godlikeness gone to arghhhh.

argh argh argh.

at any rate, ailin has flown off to york and i have no friends in singapore! alright, so i exaggerate but christmas will be like -__-” but oh wells c’est la vie and a soldier’s got to do what a soldier’s got to do and that’s to do guard fucking duty at 7 bloody am.

right.

basketball today was almost singularly infuriating; people we trashed, well okay, huanhui, waikit, mingmao and jun yan(?)trashed, basically whacked us on the full court. i mean, losing is okay, but when they taunt your team mates and they aren’t exactly the best of players and at the same time you can’t do anything about it to shut their mouths up, this takes on an entirely different dimension. it is never a good feeling to be impotent against a challenge and it is this sort of helplessness that i won’t allow to happen again. i kept on asking for rematches because i didn’t believe that we would not be able to figure out their game plan but i ignored the feelings of my teammates.

i swear damn it, i will be a better player. i swear on it.

it has been a weary period these past few days and it will be six months before magnolias bloom in a desolate corner of my heart. but can they even bloom in the first place?

i completed herman hesse’s siddhartha in two days travelling to and from the airport and if that is the standard by which our lives should be led then i have failed terribly. i do not think, wait and fast; i react, i spur, i binge – i am the anti ascetic who once prided himself on his capacity to love and feel but these days i do not know if i can do that any longer; and yet i continue to react spur and binge. what does that make me then, an ascetic or its antithesis, or just someone marooned in ennui?

questions and answers, with answers i dare not really face up to. one day there shall be payment, one day there shall be a pound of flesh.