alright i’m flying to switzerland next september.

i had the confirmation letter last friday but i never truly like, rejoiced or cheered about it because inherently it was through my own ineptitude that i had failed to be admitted to nus literature and that my mom had to borrow from my aunt to further my studies; what ignominy, what hubris what fucking loser of a person are you. granted it’s something i had always planned to do but now i have to go overseas and the idea of being only a handful of singaporeans in geneva scares me and there is a recess in the bottom of my heart that i would never be able to study literature again. hospitality is a frentic course, and when i work at a hotel after i graduate i will probably not have any time to do a course in literature. so that’s that then, a culmination of my excesses back in jc; what you sow you reap.
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i never realised it, but these days my match fitness has absolutely plummeted due to a lack of use of my legs through tendinitis; how much further will this persist. i don’t know, and i seek closure.

there’s not much to be happy about these days, except the fact that i am now three months away from clearing leave. it’s only a matter of time, it’s only a matter of time and soon it will be september.

these days i have the very bad habit of only bathing before i go to camp because my heater is spoilt and the past few days have been utterly cold, which means my usual practice of bathing at 2 a.m. before my last dota match has to be scrapped because the water then is beyond all human endurance. or maybe not because my mom has been telling me, “bathe in the 2am water! it builds up your resistance so that you wont have that much of an acclimisation process when you go to switzerland!” right mom, and i suppose this proves once and for all i’m a hot blooded young male who needs heat to survive.

oh and by the way, drow ranger pwns.

well, potter came and potter went and i don’t think katie leung will ever look as pretty as she did. cedric diggory though, is another matter; emma watson and cd! teenagers to pwn the future.

but newell though establishing good rapport with his child stars, doesn’t have the vision of alfonso cuaron, and as a result despite gof being the best book in the series thus far (alongside hbp), poa is the best movie. but so much for being a movie critic, onto dota. pwnage.

why the fuck are the forms on my blogger.com in chinese fan3 ti2?!

there was a time when i hit 85% of my shots from beyond the arc but it wasn’t during the game.
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i think after twenty months of resistance, my resolve has finally caved in and all vestiges of the pseudo poet i was has disappeared. i never could really sing from my soul but the fact that these days i honestly can’t and that apathy has utterly consumed me irks me to no end. there is melancholy, there is loss, there is lovelessness and there is melancholy; i am a husk of a person who’s losing his abs and soul and brains by the moment.

they are the only things i ever bothered with, not money nor reputation nor power but what can i do?

at some point in time, i think i have stopped loving myself. being old teaches you to learn from your regrets and move on but i think being old has killed me.

i am twenty, two decades old and i feel multiplied by five.

i may never be able to sprint again.

playing ball with waikit the other day, both my achilles tendons groaned with every step i took, and while it isn’t an uncommon occurence it has never been on such a magnitude before. will i be able to sprint during my leave clearance, will i be able to fly across red tarmac again?

i don’t think so, and this distresses me greatly. i can only hope, and wish.
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i met an old primary school mate the other day and we played full court behind my old primary school. everything still remains the same there, but i’m so drastically different and i don’t know what to say. sometimes melancholia overwhelms me.

today while doing biceps curls i looked down at the bench and i saw a silver ring. oh boy some lover boy’s gonna be screwed very badly by his missus.
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my computer’s down again and i am at the lan shop where i lost my bag 6 months before; it’s a bigger shop this time and so’s my bag.
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god no please let my two hard disks be intact. my animesssssss. my BLEACH.
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these days i still subscribe to the central tenet of love; yesterday i bought an umberto eco book where a man loses his memory and tries to remember his first love; it was fourty dollars and it was illustrated. but while i still believe in it i do not know if i am still capable of it.
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i think jamie yeo and glenn ong make a very lovely couple.
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the lan shop closes at 1 a.m. i am listening to jason mraz’s mr curiousity. sun kil moon’s songs are still on my old computer; where can they be otherwise. i need my music fix.