and this is the last time i will be here in this chair on this worn out keyboard for a year; cuifen was right, eventuality becomes a countdown of last times and i m not disinclined to disagree with her. magnolia days are over, but crystalsnow ones beckon and i think this is goodbye.

see you gents and ladies, i’ll say hi from swissland in 24 hours time.

today, today’s the day i’m flying off and nothing will be the same ever since. it’s not a bad thing, but it isnt necessary a good thing either but oh well; it was raining when i woke up and maybe this may be a good day after all.

i am too damn tired. i just hope i wont fall sick when i get over there cause that will be srsly very sad sdafhldasklfjl

there’s only two days left and today was a closure of sorts for many things; it’s four now and i am sneezing ferociously into the night; it’s the 21st year of my life and i wonder if i can ever find love or tell anyone two thirds of what i’ve told you.

i think when i reach montreux in three days time, i will go to my room and sleep. i’ve been having too little right now but it’s alright, there’s always time to sleep later but now, now i must be awake because in a year’s time everything will change.

1. one book which you have read more than once: the great gatsby. it’s whimsical, pretty and demonstrates the inexorable power of love.

2. one book you want on a deserted island: LOTR because well it will last me quite some time and i will NOT think of being on a deserted island. i am clrly deluding myself roflol

3. one book that made you laugh: catch-22 because heller is brilliant and mocks the biggest joke of the 20th century, the world war.

4. one book that made you cry: any story about fatal doomed love because i am a sap that way. love in the time of cholera for one.

5. one book you wish you had written: the blind assassin by atwood because her imageries are really magnificent.

6. one book you wish had never been written: pratchett stuff cause they really try too hard.

7. one book you are currently reading: the great gatsby again actually.

8. one book you have been meaning to read: haha there’s too many. satanic verses, time’s arrow, enduring love argh good grief!

9. one book that changed your life: gaiman’s stardust because it is lyrical prose at an age where i previously didn’t value the prettiness of it.

10. tag 5 people: lis, karen, tiny hoh, jesley (when you read this!) and sharlene.

“why didn’t you defend yourself“, she asked, “why didn’t you defend yourself?” she would sit behind him on a cliff and push her blade that went through him into herself.

sometimes there isn’t a reason why, and living is more tiring than dying no matter your beliefs.

today, today is the last sunday i will spend in singapore for a year and there are only five days more to go before everything changes inexorably, permanently. there has been too much regrets and the past week has been one of closures because i need to finish these chapters in my life before i eventually move on because leaving things hanging is never a good way to conclude things. i will be flying off on thursday, the 31st of august at 11.45 p.m. but i will be at the airport at 7 pm and haha, i think i will be the first to admit that this departure isn’t a happy one, but a necessary one because we all have to pay for our mistakes and this really is an example of the unconditional love a mother can have for her child. i will succeed, and maybe for the first time in ages fulfil the potential that everyone told me i had but i never really dared to try because what if it isn’t brilliant enough for me to be proud of.

but i really should stop deluding myself, and most of the times i dream too much for my own good.

this has been a terrible fucken week, there are so many things that i would have done in retrospect like cancelling some meetings, and not be embarrassed and shy about certain shit that i really ought not to and i don’t know. i dont know if i will come back to singapore before thirty, if i will ever get attached because of the timelessness my job accords and because simply i owe my mom a debt that i will do my best to repay asap.

there is nothing i regret more than not studying for my a levels.

and this is a random rant with appropriate alliterations and, haha these days i don’t quite know what to say anymore.

this is august, the eighth month of the twenty first year of my existent and everything will cease to be. and there is no turning back.

hwih

i haven’t been here in a while, and sometimes i wonder if this blog remains pertinent; but dandelion wine sounds really pretty and maybe it should exist for that reason alone.

 it is 4.53 in the morning now, and all i want to do is to hug you from behind and kiss you on your ear, and tell you that i wish that you were by my side forever. i will make a snow angel for you in december, and maybe that will erase the thousands of miles that exist between us. i will do it at eight am on the 25th so that you will get it right at midnight, and i will wish you good morning and maybe we’ll be happy together.

i’m such a silly sap.

there were eleven days yesterday, and the eleventh of august was a day i would always remember. today a decade of days remain and it is terribly sad and maudlin; it just turned three in the morning, charlemagne makes detours around the world and there’s only so much love that can be contained in a beating heart before it implodes and consumes itself.

that’s all i have to say, really. i shouldn’t bastardise this.

yesterday was the 19th of august, and all i would like to say is, happy birthday mom, i haven’t been a good son but i will try to be better, i promise.