not nice – chris garneau, as a reminder for the next year

i wish i can learn russian, because of the larger range of intonations that would be so useful for me to master languages as a whole but then i’ve realised that my talents do not lie in this area; as tamara said i have a bad ear, which makes recognising specific tones and pitches hard; i am unable to register the correct sound of tones and this has affected me across every single area, including music and singing; i encapsulate what i want to feel, and i let it brew within me and i suppose that’s an accurate description of me as a whole, the only question is when will the matter within me completely evaporate and leave behind a thick hardened black crust.

there are too many things to say these days, and too little at the same time; i do not think london will be as great as it initially sounds because the old man within me demands me to be sedentary (as well as my budget) but i suppose i will be happy with old friends and good conversations and comfortable solitude with company. it is, three weeks away and some things have to be restarted.

INFP – the Healer Your Type is 0% Extroverted, 12% Observant, 31% Logical and 12% Structured

You are more introverted than extroverted. You are more intuitive than observant, you are more feeling based than thinking based, and you prefer to go with the flow rather than having a plan. Your type can best be summarized by the word “Healer”, which belongs to the larger group of idealists. You have a capacity for caring that is deeper than most. You strive for unity, are fascinated by the battles between good and evil, and can be something of an idealist. Only 1% of the population shares your type. As a romantic partner, you are usually supprtive and nuturing, however, you have a high need for individuality. Harmony is extremely important to you as you are very affected by conflict and tension, which also makes you resist confronting your partner directly about problems. When you get angry, you usually blame yourself, rather than your partner. You can also be stubborn and unyielding when you feel you are being criticized or mistreated. You feel the most appreciated when your partner listens to you carefully. You need to be understood. You need to hear your partner express their feelings, the more often, the better. Your group summary: idealists (NF) Your type summary: INFP vincex’s shorter version of this test. My longer version of this same test. The real deal.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on outgoing You scored higher than 99% on observant You scored higher than 99% on logical You scored higher than 99% on structured

Link: The Quick and Dirty Personality Test written by unpretentious2 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

international day preparations today, and i am beyond exhausted, but it was fun and i never had a better thai mince rice than i had today so that should more than make up for it.

but some people are infinitely irritating, even more so than the countless small cuts on my fingers which already irks me to no end, but let’s just move on eh because being petty is quite unworthy of a human being.

this morning, i woke up and mumbled to myself why ever the hell it was so dark and when i looked out of the window, i saw a sleet of white; it’s the first snow i ve ever seen in my life and for the first time in a long time, a boyish thrill filled me and i kept singing maybe this christmas as i was slicing huge pieces of steaks. tamara laughed when i asked her if she saw the snow and she went in that distinctive way of hers “oh! it’s your first time eh!” and i mumbled something about russians and the winter.

it’s winter now, and i’ve a promise to keep; i have too many promises to fulfil.

Out in the shiny night, the rain
Was softly falling
The tracks that ran down the boulevard had
All been washed away

Out of the silver light, the past came softly calling
And I remember the times we spent
Inside the sad cafe

Oh, it seemed like a holy place,
Protected by amazing grace
And we would sing right out loud, the
Things we could not say
We thought we could change this world
With words like love and freedom
We were part of the lonely crowd
Inside the sad cafe

Oh, expecting to fly,
We would meet on that beautiful shore in the
Sweet by and by

Some of their dreams came true,
Some just passed away
And some of the stayed behind
Inside the sad cafe.

The clouds rolled in and hid that shore
Now that glory train, it don?t stop here no more
Now I look at the years gone by,
And wonder at the powers that be.
I don?t know why fortune smiles on some
And let?s the rest go free

Maybe the time has drawn the faces I recall
But things in this life change very slowly,
If they ever change at all
There?s no use in asking why,
It just turned out that way
So meet me at midnight baby
Inside the sad cafe.
Why don?t you meet me at midnight baby,
Inside the sad cafe.

The Sad Cafe – The Eagles

there are times in your life when you pause, take a look around and realised what you have missed and there is nothing to do but just to move on and feel maudlin about it occasionally, every now and then and hopefully more of the latter than the other option because what else can you do about it eh, innit.

it is drizzling outside, and as i was walking out of the gym in my track jersey and basketball shorts and nothing else and i thought, wouldn’t it be fantastic if i were to find the first petal of snow this winter? but it wasn’t meant to be, just like some things are.
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wikipedia says

“Mr Christopher Burge

The most intellectual English teacher there ever was. A teacher by day, and a secret knowledge gatherer by night, he has been dubbed divine by some of the ex-Humanities students. He is, indeed.”

he is, indeed, and i wonder which alumni amongst us posted this.

there have been too many sad faces recently and there is a sense of dank joylessness that hangs around the red lounge; it is only three weeks left till christmas and i must tell myself not to spend on food now, predictable as the menu has become; it is a cyclical one, and working in the kitchen now, one can more or less predict what is coming up in the following weeks.

i chose to reject the option of running the school’s club, and i know i have picked the path less easily treaded; i could have been in a managerial position, filling in acquisition forms, redesigning the club, stayed in school, earn 1300 chfs with food accomodations internet and gym provided but i somehow knew that i wouldn’t be happy doing it; i don’t know if i will be in my other internship, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and really, working in a swiss restaurant outside of the school will give more credibility to one’s resume.

it wouldn’t be the first, or last time that i’ve made a decision wearing my heart on the sleeve but sometimes maybe i should learn how to ignore that little voice at the back of my head.

i am the silent quiet voyeur and being noiseless, thorough, is what i do best; i open the doors of empathy and let the force of the world coalesce into me, around me and i drift along with the maudlinity of it all.
——————-

i have procrastinated far too much the past two weeks and i should have known that i would pay dearly for my inefficiency; i have five projects due over the next two weeks, an international day cocktail to prepare and i believe that i am quite positively screwed.
——————-

solitude these days is a very comforting thing.

events are cowards and at any rate i’m just glad that this week is over; i won’t be a manager anytime soon, and quite a number of people are surprised, but the words of chef mark gladdens my semi dead soul.

“it’s okay! you’ll be stronger!”

coming from the man whom i had a push-a-war with in the kitchen yesterday with a cart full of meat between us; there will only be 8 more weeks for me to work with these men of joy and skill and strong frenchie accents.
———————

days fade into nights faster than ever before and there is certain peace in sunsets these days, despite every cell in my body screaming out that the timing is just wrong. but the earth still revolves and tilts, and so do our lives.

it is over, there is closure, there is joy on a half of a whole but there is an indescribable sense of sadness on the other side; words do not mean a thing, so why am i addicted to it; today i downloaded yann tiersen after millenia of days but it doesn’t really matter, nothing from the past will return and i know that to be true because that is how things go.

nothing lasts these days and there is definite atrophy in bloodwyrds.

why does it still hurt so much.

it is winter soon, i can feel it in my bones.
——————–

these chords stroke across my mind, those vocals resonate across horizons, and elliot smith is very much part of my life these days. i discovered goldenboy and devics but i am unable to afford them and they probably will have to wait a year. ten months later i will have a new cd collection.
———————

you cannot be a stagiare lar, you’re too nice man.

i hope that wont be for too long.