Someday Soon – K.T. Tunstall

uncle emmanuel passed away on the 20th december, i knew something happened but i didn’t dare ask exactly what until two days ago and then my mom told me.

he left my aunt, achilles, and elle behind.

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i should learn how to confront my fears better, listen to your gut, be brave, learn to accept the truth.

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i didn’t cry this time round, maybe because all of us saw this coming for a long time, when i was a child of 7 looking at the mass of stitches across his back after he had a tumour removed; when his cancer relapsed and when he was admitted to the icu countless times; when his condition deteriorated throughout but he still hung strong, for love of his wife and his children. love can only do so much though, and eleven days before the end of the year, he passed away from a heart attack.

there is peace, there is silence, but there is also irrevocable heartbreak.

but at the very least, i pray that you’re in a better place now, uncle emmanuel. it’s the very least i can do.

Metal Heart 2 – Catpower

everyday in life there are miracles of sorts. miracles like this, makes you smile back on a sad week and reaffirm your faith in humanity, that there’s hope for all of us, there is a future, that there is a second chance of life at the almost doomed where we can live again.

exams were iffy because they really depend on how the tutors are going to grade it, and gray areas are never welcome. london beckons for six months in nine days, and this circular symmetry is somewhat pleasing.

basketball today was awesome; maybe i have become a better player afterall. but there is no time to rest on my laurels; i am 22, soon i will be 23, and then physical prowess will fade into history like shadows melting into the dark, non-existent, unsubstantial.

Protected: Romeo and Juliet – Dire Straits

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No I In Threesome – Interpol / What the Snowman Learnt About Love – Stars

tonight everything came to a close, and events are cowards.

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macross plus is one of the saddest animes i have ever watched, and maybe it is fitting that 8 years after i first knew about it, i caught it at the age of 22, one that of symmetry and supposed precision but suppositions are never positions . guld goa bowman is one of the saddest characters ever, to live for love, to die for it, to regain a best friend but only to lose him by losing himself in his promise to love.

but there’s plenty of people like him in life, and maybe that’s why life is a tragedy.

Almost Lover – A Fine Frenzy

so what defines a fine frenzy, because a frenzy is anything but fine nor subtle nor delicate; it is a loss of control, a submission to emotions that should never be brought to fore as well as one living life fully, vicariously. this is a paradox upon itself, but one that can be best answered by the full vitriol emotional range of a human being and maybe that’s the best thing of living, because one will never fall into any fixed categories.

frenzy is the ultimate of a troll axethrower; a fine frenzy is Alison Sudol, born in 1985, the same age as i am but with a better body of work than i will ever produce, and a much lasting impression. a fine frenzy is a conundrum that can never be answered, logically nor rationally but that’s the best thing about living. so live, be uncategorized, be a shadow, be a blur between lines.

Twilight – Josh Rouse

“A lot of people are worried about him. That’s my boy, I know him. He’s going to be okay,” Mutombo said. “He went through a lot. He’s a fighter. He has a strong will. He was a strong heart. He’s always going to be okay.

“The best thing is for the Georgetown family to wish him the best recovery so one day he will get the chance to play one-on-one with his kids. He’s got a young son; little Trey [Alonzo III] is coming up. I want him to get his knees better, get well. Maybe one day we can all take our kids to the park and challenge them, like ‘We was the best. Don’t try to take it to the old men.’ “

don’t take it to the old men, respect them because one of these days they will be like Lazaruses, coming at you, again and again.

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there is something about playing basketball with ones’ children that strikes a chord in my heart; you compete against your father, because you know that he was formerly a nba great; you compete against your child, because you want him to be better than you, to surpass you, to be better than you could have ever been and it is a maelstorm of emotions and feelings, but mostly good.

i still need to be a better player.

Information Highway – Yoko Kanno/Gabriela Robin

yinghao added me on facebook the other day, and it got me reminicising about days in eccube.

days, when we would for example, use the pentium 2 400mhz pc which we cobbled together to download the macross plus trailer off the first cable site in singapore; i forgot what it’s called, but it was the only one that with 70mb files, monstrous sizes they were then.

days when we would pour over the ideas! millennium innovation contest, creating brochures, sending out letters, organizing events.

days when we would play starcraft, doom 1, quake 3 as well as counterstrike.

days when the pak sux cheer would resonate out from the research lab, into the year, into the school, into singapore.

those were defining times, almost a decade ago now.

Running On Faith – Eric Clapton

once in a blue moon, from jon:-

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
1. -
2. watched ian mckellen

3. cooked for 91 people.
4. made desserts.
5. won a championship.
6. played 10 consecutive hours of dota in a lan shop.

7. been to paris.

8. saw the manic street preachers live.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i don’t make resolutions, but maybe just one.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
no.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
no.

5. What countries did you visit?
france and germany.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
clarity of thought, true love, belief in a dream.
7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
i don’t like numbers.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
hahahha hahahah ahaa hahahha
9. What was your biggest failure?
falling too easily, not being disciplined enough, academically and emotionally.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
… no food poisoning yet. die.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
interpol’s our love to admire.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
debbie, for faith and companionship, andi, for being silly, waikit for being an old comrade, sams for verve and faithfulness, jac for conversation, rachael for arcade fire and the manics, the hohs for unparalleled sluttiness, shining for being holy. and my mom and grandma for always being there.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
myself. and a certain singaporean chick.

14. Where did most of your money go?
food lar. and travel.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
coming back to singapore in june. and catching the manics.
16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
the funeral, band of horses.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? sadder.
ii. thinner or fatter? fatter.
iii. richer or poorer? poorer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
that i would have read more books.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
sleeping.
20. How will you be spending did you spend Christmas?
on msn.
22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
no, which made things infinitely worse.

23. How many one-night stands?
none. but my friend told me someone asked her “how was sex in singapore” which we both thought was infinitely funny.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
gundam 00 awwww yeah pure fucking secks.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
myself i guess.

26. What was the best book you read?
the handsmaid tale, again.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
the manics, rhett miller, the eagles, eric clapton, spoon, owen pallett, yo la tengo, casey dienel and gregory and the hawk.

28. What did you want and get?
…
29. What did you want and not get?
more time in singapore, with infinitely more basketball zz

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
transformers.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
22, au petit salut and valentino’s with many people.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
more basketball, and not having a girlfriend.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
simplicity.

34. What kept you sane?
sleeping.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
honey lee, kurara chibana, megan fox aww yeah
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
the assasination of benazir bhutto.

37. Who did you miss?
too many.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
getting better acquainted with people i met the year before.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
don’t jump into a relationship when you don’t feel ready for it zz. AND. that my gut instinct is damn sharp.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

ah well.

There Is No I in Threesome – Interpol

and so it is 2008, a new year with supposedly new beginnings but really, life goes on in its own inexorable path and one shouldn’t expect pasts to be erased, deleted and removed from one’s lifetime; it merely follows its own path of inertia that goes on and on. this doesn’t mean that all is bleak and hopeless and that we are doomed to our old emotional maelstroms (well, sometimes) but rather a fresh numerical slate may just prove to be a motivating enough factor for us to do the things which we always wanted to do but never could.

so pak, learn to resolve this, or you will never be able to love another, because there can only be space in your heart for one, and not two, or three.