Something Wicked/The Lonely/Carrion – British Sea Power

and then it was wednesday, but there has still yet to be any updates and it is entirely very likely that i will not be able to go back to singapore this coming summer hols because the delay of my permit by a month would entail it eating into my supposed vacation period by a month as well; it is depressing but if i do get it eventually it’ll be worth it.

yes/no/maybe and i don’t like ambiguities at times, even if they do bring shades of life to our lives.

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there’s not much cadence in my soul these days, or rather too much of it in a physical sense; checking my email four times a day, preparation of food, gymming, cooking, talking, dotaing.

does repetition leads to dispassion, will love triumph all, will passion overcome time and these days i’m not too sure about the longevity of incandescence anymore. and maybe that’s why they shine so brightly and fade so ferociously.

Romeo and Juliet – Dire Straits

it’s five twenty-one in the morning now, and contrary to popular belief, i really only just woken up.

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it is quite awesome typing without an injured right index figure which is the reason why the letters u i o p on my keyboard have been eroded on all the keyboards i own; i’m using my middle one now, and it is a viable, though not nimble substitute.

i had to type that sentence 7 times just to get it right.

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i played the worst game of basketball i ever had since i became better after my shooting mechanics got corrected; it has actually been pretty consistent, until the past two weeks, and today was just the absolute nadir of nadirs. it shall get better, it WILL get better, because there’s no way i’ll allow this to be my last game with the sheer ignominy of having the ball stolen from me twice on the last possession of 6-6 games and having the game winning shot buried in my face.

no bloody fucking way, not again. i bear responsibility for my actions, some more than others, and this is one of them.

The Greatest – Cat Power

today i sprinted for the first time in four years, and it was good, it was good. there’s nothing like pure adrenaline, the pure exhilaration of hurtling down the red tarmac and to find that you’re not crippled afterall. but sprinting is nothing if it’s not 100%, and these days there’s simply no way for me to run my fastest because two achilles’ tendons said so, and they rebuked me fairly firmly after the morning workout.

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hampstead heath is one of the most gorgeous training grounds one can ever expect himself to be in, and i suppose i have to be thankful that i was able to train there today. the sky was beyond blue, the sun was comforting and the winds were gentle; it couldn’t have possibly been better.

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i don’t know if i should be elated that i can run again, or despondent that i can never sprint at maximum explosiveness because the century is all about those 11 seconds, those decade (and one) of intensity, freedom and release and i think i’m inclined towards the latter because while being able to continue doing what you love is a gift, it is another thing to be reminded of what it could have been.

ladies and gentlemen, the story of my life, regrets and lost loves.

Harvest Moon – Cassandra Wilson

so yes, how would you, yes, you, remember me by.

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natalie portman is gorgeous.

Bullet Proof…I Wish I Was – Radiohead

there’s nothing quite like bathing with water at room temperature during winter; an astonishingly numbing sensation rushes across your entire body before you get accustomed to it,  an acceptance of sorts, and the finality of it, all over within 3 minutes. this is the guide to the three stages of bathing in ice water, and like almost other aspects of life it follows a general fixed pattern, which is never a good thing i guess, but familiarity to some extent is always a comfort.

last week when the sink was clogged, i thought to myself “at least the heater isn’t broken.” and it so seems that murphy has a way of getting back at you from beyond the dead; be careful of what you wish for, be careful of what you say, because things will haunt you from another plane, another dimension, another time zone.

cambridge was lovely; king’s, st clare’s, emmanuel’s, girton, christ’s, st john’s, trinity are names that roll off your tongue the same way a lawnmower would bounce over their plotches. i crashed a lit lecture on tragedy and comedy, and it has been the first lecture in years that has had me in raptures; i frequently wondered how it would be like to study at cambridge and that day it was answered.

it also told me another thing, that that was an option of the past, and then that of a probable past future, and that door’s closed to me now, not that it might have ever been open in the first place but at least you try you know, and it’s always better to have tried, and worked hard, and that you’ve gave your best to try to achieve something that you love  than to wait in idleness and say “Oh, but if only i tried!”

it’s one thing to say, and another to actually work for it, and fight for a dream.

it’s better to try than not to try at all.

happy valentine’s day everyone, i wish you love, i wish you happiness, i wish you faith, health and dreams.

My Moon My Man – Feist

and here i am in london, but not quite the way i would have liked it; my work permit has yet to arrive and so after leaving my luggage at the hilton bracknell here i am back at staveley close, with calvin, justin, kai and tsulyn for the 2nd time in two weeks. it is unprecedented, but something for which i’ve been mentally prepared and these days not that many things faze me.

but it doesn’t make me impervious.

there was a certain sense of loss and nostalgia as i left the school two sundays ago without saying goodbye to many of the third years, many of whom i will never meet again but that’s how things go these days; carry your heart with you, try not to leave it behind, be a nomad, be a traveller, don’t be tied down, start living in a world of your own.