“the last time we had this conversation you threw a loaf of bread at me.”
“i remember.”
“here.”
re-reading the sandman at the age of 24 brings a certain sense of perspective; things make more sense now, albeit invariably more morose and a bit sadder. we either change, or we die, but sometimes in life one can only change so much and that is true, but how much can i change before i stop being myself?
there are a few things that i want to say to you, and i have already revised my apology. but i have no idea how you will respond, or if that apology will ever have an opportunity to manifest itself.
sometimes in life, all i want to know is just why. why for instance, girlfriend came after fences, when it ought to have been the other way round but because i am boring and predictable, the answer is simply due to linearity.
i am tired and i want closure.
If only
Your necessary silouhette
Unknown, join the dissidents
Got carried away
Now hiding from their lies and discords?
Once remembered now forgotten
Come roll the dice for me
Roll the dice for me
Hold on better undone
If really on your own
Thinking this is fun?
Feathers fallen from drapes
Fold her into pieces
Tied up and lace
Fences in a row
Fences in a row
Wired and protected
In a row…
Got carried away
Thought I would’ve let you know
Did you miss a message?
I know you still
Would rather mess with me than get going
She’s been building up a castle in la
Roll the dice for me
Hold on better undone
If really on your own
Thinking this is fun?
Feathers fallen from drapes
Fold her into pieces
Tied up and lace
Fences in a row
Fences in a row
Wired and protected
In a row
Fences – Phoenix
a dear friend taught me to stop having expectations, and i suppose it has turned out to be the defining moment in my 24th year of existence. stop being so emotionally vested in everyone around you, stop trying to believe in people, and you can survive it better.
but sometimes i’m not quite convinced that that’s the best path to take.
past loves have moved on, so should you dear old man.
returning was a necessary journey to undertake if only to experience closure. it would almost be a crime to let things linger in seasons and mists given how badly i react when things are not settled; which is why i hate goodbyes, because i know that everyone still continues living their lives and i dont know the things which they encounter, which they will learn, how they will change, the paths they will take. but there has been a maturity of sorts, chapters have been closed, and i manage much better with goodbyes these days, which may or may not be a good thing in the process, but enables me to move on, to live on, to not be embattled with the ghosts of the past because Lord only knows how prone i am to that.
it’s never a good thing to be a creature of the past, we should all live in the present and the future, but the definition between the two is blurred at best and how do you really know what’s good for you? there has been so much ambiguity these days, and if only things were definite, younger, simpler.
